Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
