Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need a beard to bite.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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