I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So vagazzling was a success
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
