Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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