i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize