My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
