i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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