Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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