Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
