I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
