tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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