did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
