I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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