I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
