White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
