The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
