I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You are a genius and a whore.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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