Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
