Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
