I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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