I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
