dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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