24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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