Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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