we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
