True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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