The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
