My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
