my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
