There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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