i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
