It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this just has baby written all over it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
