I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
