Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
