Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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