Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
