i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
