As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
