My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
