I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
