How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
