You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
