He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm always down for nudity.
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