So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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