the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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