He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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