I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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