Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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