Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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