He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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