dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Operation Purity has been aborted
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize