Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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