you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
