yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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