Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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