Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
