I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
