i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
