i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Alive.
So much puke
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
