my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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