Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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