I'm going to jail i love you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
