i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
