Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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