I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My vagina just clenched in fear
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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