I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Screwed.edu
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize