what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
