My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drunk is not a location!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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