You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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