when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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