My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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