My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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